Hello people of the Call of War forums. I doubt there are many of you left, let alone any that will care for my message. On the off chance there is somebody, anybody out there, who could find the effort to genuinely care. I am leaving. There is no return to how things used to be, there is no hope. This is the end.

On my wall, I recently expressed my fear of being homeless. That was more of an overreaction. Odd's are I'll still have some place to live, even if that means sleeping in the back of a car for a while. I'm only a young man. And my fear of the future is unsurmountable. I was raised to believe I had some kind of potential, that I had some kind of gift. But I can't help but feel I wasted it. As I have wasted everyone else's time. Nobody will admit it, but I know deep down they recognise me as a disappointment. There is nothing short of a miracle that could make me believe I am worth the effort my family have invested into me. I haven't even been true to my friends. I can't recall the last time I laughed till I cried. Let alone the last time I didn't force the laugh. I try to help those that I care about. Intaking all their problems, trying to understand what they are going through. But it's too taxing. All of it is, I can't do this anymore. My friends are the type of person I don't want to be. Though I don't view myself as better than them, I know I am different. Even though in my heart I yearn to speak up, to make a difference. I am too scared. Too scared to be alone, again. Like I have been all of my life. I am extremely over paranoid. And riddled with anxiety. Nobody has realised my efforts to be different, which I more so fear is because they don't care. I can't help but feel that everyone around me secretly hates me. Sometimes I think I can see it in their eyes. Other times it just feels like my mind is making it up. It is more than likely the latter. But I can't find any way to genuinely believe someone that isn't my close family actually values me. I only ever trusted one person enough to tell them all of this in real life. And now I think she hates me too. She doesn't talk to me, not even a hello. I don't know if I did something. I don't know if it's my fault. I don't understand anything. Nothing makes sense to me, people don't make sense to me. And I'm too afraid to try and figure out what is actually happening. I'm worried I've dug myself into this inescapable hole. And that I'll be stuck down here the rest of my life. Or at least until I find the motivation to do something, which I fear may not ever happen. That's probably too much venting about my problems though. That being said I did delete massive chunks of this paragraph.

I realised I can't spend my life sitting on some random online forum. Wasting away at the precious time I should have used to do something with myself. Even though all my decisions feel meaningless I don't want to give up. I don't want to throw in the towel before its actually over. Because even through everything I have some hope. And though its dwindles slightly more with each passing day, it still exists. I know religion ain't a pretty topic to bring up. But I do believe in god. The atheist in need will pray to god in desperation, I just started early. It's my only hope I guess, my source of morals. The only thing that really kept me aspiring to be this image of a good person I had conjured up in my mind. Even if I am so far from it. It is really hard to write this, and trying to click the submit button is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be.

Don't be like me, don't waste your time hating yourself, hating your shortcomings. Learn to accept yourself for what you are, and if you can't, then find the motivation to be slightly more like how you want to be. The human mind is very powerful, and can make the saddest, the prettiest, the scariest, and the friendliest of images. So if you can't live up to the standards of what you see in your head. Don't stress. Because you are so much better than you may ever realise. If you act like me, and compare the you that exists, to the you that you want to be. Of course you won't feel good about yourself. Of course you can't be perfect. Nobody is perfect. So just love yourself, appreciate yourself for what you are. Appreciate your family (situational I suppose), appreciate the ones who raised you to be who you are now. Because you may never realise it, but you are so much better than you think you are. You aren't alone, you never will be. Though you obviously can't talk to all 8 billion of us humans. Know that there are millions upon millions that have, will, and are enduring the same thing you are. Though you may feel so alone, so isolated. Know you aren't alone. You are loved.

This is the end. For now at least. Perhaps there is a chance I will come back some day. That is more of a matter of hopefulness though (Hah see what I did there?). This is it though. For real this time. Have a nice day, a nice tomorrow, a nice life even. If you made it this far, congratulations. I mean, you probably just wasted your time reading some idiot ramble about his life. But I hope someone can draw something from this.

So, for potentially the last time, Je dis au revoir mes amis
@Claudio NVKP
@Carking the 6th
@Lady Aragosta
@NEPTUNE the great
@Talvisota
@GeneralTanke
@Lord Crayfish
@Fox-Company
@Karl von Krass
These were the only names I could remember, sorry. If you want anyone else to see this tell them yourself. This takes a decade to load, and I can't be bothered repeatedly finding new names and editing it again.