Post your favorite World Herald Fiction!

    This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site, you are agreeing to our Cookie Policy.

    • Diabolical wrote:

      Imagine a world where cheerful Nazis go to the rescue of the downtrodden -- a world where the Nazis and the Jews walk hand in hand in perfect harmony.

      Luscious flowers bloom in fields across the land as machine guns spit out little pellets of food to feed small woodland creatures. And further afield, warplanes carry music bombs to drop on the listless peoples far away to give them the tranquil tones of happy children singing hymns of joy and praise.

      Young girls -- adorned with mellow shades of lavender and pink -- dance wistfully under the glowing morning sunshine. Their ever-watchful older sisters -- proper and prim in their frilly Victorian white frocks -- gaze cloyingly across the meadow at the handsome young lad trying in vain to ride his horse like a gentleman. Painfully falling on his rump, the young man sheepishly tries to hide his embarrassment at the women who now show gentle signs of astonishment.

      One young woman -- leaping gracefully like a gazelle across the savanna -- charges purposefully towards the youth. As she approaches closer, his heart stirs -- skipping a beat with every leap she makes in her loose dress. Images of them together growing old tease the back of his mind as his fantasies are walking hand in hand with her along a gentle mountain stream. Imagination leads them to an old watermill being used as a peaceful Nazi Wehrmacht outpost where German courtesans invite them to a light luncheon with biscuits and tea.

      The young woman -- breathing hard from her rush across the field -- disturbs the boy's fantasies as she approaches. His face aflush with desire, the boy reaches up to her as she kneels over him and pulls her down close enough to surprise her with a kiss. Astonished by his alacrity of boldness and hormones, she did not pull away but instead caressed his tousled hair as he drew her closer to the ground. His kiss -- a fleeting moment of fancy -- was reciprocated with another -- now longer and more passionate. Their attraction -- though obvious before -- has now been confirmed. These two young lovers would find hope and joy in each other for years to come.

      Meanwhile, from their cannons, Nazi Panzers spray foamy champagne across the land -- drenching all peoples with spirited celebration as peace reigns supreme among the vistas of happy children with their smiling grandparents. Whole families -- dancing to the sounds of factories churning out more lovely war machines -- continue to sing songs of joy as their happy Fuhrer skips along to an unknown melody playing in his head. The smokestacks of life camps spread the charming smells of baking sweetbreads for the celebration as love victoriously reigns in the hearts of one and all.

      Oh what a happy world it is.

      Eh?

      :tumbleweed: :tumbleweed: :tumbleweed: :tumbleweed: :tumbleweed:
      "White Fang knew the law well: To oppress the weak and obey the strong"
      Jack London, White Fang

      My parents once told me not to play with matches, so I built a flamethrower
    • MontanaBB wrote:

      Well, that was . . . disappointing. It had all of the hallmarks of a Penthouse Forum letter for the first 90%.
      Sorry to disappoint. But this isn't exactly an "X" rated forum.

      Egad, to think I could maybe be a porno author....did I miss my calling?

      .

      .

      .

      Nah!
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3
    • There are no Winners in the Serb-Ataturk War

      11:30 hours, New York time.

      There is sad news, today, out of the Serbian bureau of the World Herald in Dubrovnik, Yugoslavia. The latest casualties report in the war between Yugoslavia and Turkey has reached unprecedented levels as both sides in the conflict report troop loss totals exceeding 75,000 apiece.

      While it is unusual that both sides have had nearly identical casualty counts, what's not unusual in this uncertain time of world war is that blood runs freely along the ground in the Balkans and Asia Minor. Stories of the ferociousness and brutality being waged by both sides upon each other have been both disheartening and, frankly, quite sickening.

      One such report, coming out of the small burnt-out town of Gorna Dzhumaya in the southwestern region of Bulgaria, tells of the sadistic atrocities wreaked upon the few citizens left in that burned-out berg...atrocities conducted by both Yugoslav and Turkish soldiers as that land changed hands countless times in their war against each other.

      The very latest reports indicate that the town is once-again under control by a division of the Croatian Corps, an ethnic sub-group of the Yugoslav army that has distinguished itself in part for its swift victories in battle as well as its penchant for brutality against both their enemies and their captive and occupied denizens wherever they happen to be located.

      But the Turks are no better, some reports out of that town indicate that several Turkish armored divisions passed through there on their way to the Macedonian part of Yugoslavia...their tanks literally rolling through some of the remaining once-still-standing homes of Gorna Dzhumaya...seemingly just for sport.

      Oh, how great the cruelty...how terrible the inhumanity...how sad the history books will record this day.
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3
    • Refugees from Mexico City Flee to Peace in Baja

      20:00 hours, New York time.

      With the fall of the Mexican government's last resistance holdings in and around Mexico City, free remnants of the once proud Mexican people -- fleeing from armed agents of the Gringo Slavery Corporation's roving patrols -- have been spotted along an underground railroad headed to a hopefully-lasting freedom in the last government holdout in San Jose del Cabo.

      This isolated fortress, located high atop an unapproachable cliff deep in the mountains overlooking the southern tip of the Gulf of California, houses several refugee camps for wayward Mexicans seeking shelter from the harsh realities of the cold vast northern exposure of tyranny. It's fortified ancient walls offering the only solace against capture by the northern hordes.

      With fewer than ten thousand free Mexicans left alive, the plight of the Mexican people has been entrusted in their brave leader who was spirited out of the Capital fortress of Toluca only last night and snuck out of the country by loyal serfs beholden to Mexico's "old ways".

      Escorted by some of the last few surviving loyalist Militia who did not betray their countrymen to the slavers of the north, El presidente de los Demonios, el Gringo especial que es el amigo Diabólico de Jehová y su hijo, Jesucristo, was taken into exile by fisherman across the channel only hours before the expected fall of Puerto Vallarta.

      In this last convoy of freedom, dozens of fishing boats, trawlers, and even rowboats -- in a scene right out of Dunkirk -- left the shores of Puerto Vallarta, saying farewell to that once proud vacation spot now overrun with Gringo entrepreneurs and scowling American tourists.

      Protected by a virtual wall of loyalist Submarines guarding all sides of that small convoy, this ragtag fleet bravely sails across the channel to the far-flung hope of that nearly-unreachable -- and certainly impregnable -- high fortress equipped with only a single pulley-platform continuously hoisting up refugees a few dozen at a time to the high basecamp of the long and arduous trail leading to the San Jose del Cabo Fortress.

      That fortress, long a hidden Buddhist Monastery lately occupied mostly by Mexican converts who abhorred all the violence in this modern era, was chosen as the perfect retreat site for just that reason...it's setting of sanctuary. Yet, despite it's peaceful seclusion -- only a handful of months prior -- it was temporarily overrun by barbarian Gringos on a scout patrol.

      That tiny occupying patrol, having proven their violence among the thousands of occupants quietly "allowing" their capture, was later foiled by some of the Monks who -- risking their own lives for the sake of freedom and peace -- ultimately threw the Gringo warmongers over the cliffs into the churning sea depths thousands of feet below.

      Now, with their nobel leader ascending to the top of the trail to the fortress entrance, overlooking the morning sunrise, the Mexican people in and approaching the fortress now have hope once more....a hope of peace, of freedom....and of sanctuary from the ravages of the northern Gringos and their strange ways.

      Here, at this peaceful mountain fortress, the last vestiges of the Mexican people can build hope for their way of life and maybe from there -- someday -- they can once again look out into the world with dreams of prosperity and change for the better. But, for now, at least they have finally found peace.

      While it was rumored that the submarine fleet escorting the refugees would later be used to detonate all the approach corridors, forever isolating the fortress from the ground and sea, it has been confirmed by surviving Mexican government officials that the subs shall remain ever-vigilant in the waters surrounding the fortress, mostly to protect the fishermen who's job will now be to keep this new mountain community fed, but also to ensure that no Gringo Slaver ever reaches it's cliff-side entrance.

      And with that, this reporting editor officially announces his retirement from the World Herald. As those monks who sought peace and refuge in the mountains of San Jose del Cabo, so too shall I seek peace. No longer will I witness nor report on the ravages of war. Let this terrible, sad and ugly mantle fall on someone else's shoulders.

      With those few Mexicans, I seek peace in the mountains. To the world, I pity you in your ignorant contemplations of death and destruction. Farewell. May peace finally find you as it has me.
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3
    • To the Leader of Turkey — an Open Letter Rejecting Parlay

      00:50 hours, New York time.

      After all that affair of war and intrigue, I must regret to inform you that there can be no parlay. However, on my word as a gentleman, at the time of your execution, you shall be dispatched with swift and merciful release and no atrocities nor defilement shall be conducted upon your deceased person.

      Your remains shall be released to your next of kin, should any survive the hail of bombs from my endless air raids. Furthermore, unlike the rest of your countrymen, your next of kin shall not be forced to pay for their loved one's costs involved with the execution of captured, blood-related, soldiers. Consider yourself lucky because, in my empire, failure to pay for the execution of one's family member is itself punishable by death.

      Consequently, despite the treatment your family will receive, I expect there will be much bloodshed in Turkey in the coming days and weeks. Were I you, I would console your remaining free countrymen in the fact that their beloved leader, unlike other national leaders with whom I've captured, will not have his dismembered and shredded corpse used as a base pulp for the dark red ink in which all execution orders are signed.

      In one final gesture of honor, as you've proven to be a formidable opponent, I will have a statue erected in your honor in Istanbul. An insignia shall be emblazoned on the forehead of the statue to say, "Defeated, but Honorable". A plaque shall be present which will describe how you failed the Turkish people but that you did so with grace and aplomb.
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Diabolical ().

    • Diabolical wrote:

      To the Leader of Turkey — an Open Letter Rejecting Parlay

      00:50 hours, New York time.

      After all that affair of war and intrigue, I must regret to inform you that there can be no parlay. However, on my word as a gentleman, at the time of your execution, you shall be dispatched with swift and merciful release and no atrocities nor defilement shall be conducted upon your deceased person.

      Your remains shall be released to your next of kin, should any survive the hail of bombs from my endless air raids. Furthermore, unlike the rest of your countrymen, your next of kin shall not be forced to pay for their loved one's costs involved with the execution of captured, blood-related, soldiers. Consider yourself lucky because, in my empire, failure to pay for the execution of one's family member is itself punishable by death.

      Consequently, despite the treatment your family will receive, I expect there will be much bloodshed in Turkey in the coming days and weeks. Were I you, I would console your remaining free countrymen in the fact that their beloved leader, unlike other national leaders with whom I've captured, will not have his dismembered and shredded corpse used as a base pulp for the dark red ink in which all execution orders are signed.

      In one final gesture of honor, as you've proven to be a formidable opponent, I will have a statue erected in your honor in Istanbul. An insignia shall be emblazoned on the forehead of the statue to say, "Defeated, but Honorable". A plaque shall be present which will describe how you failed the Turkish people but that you did so with grace and aplomb.



      LMAO I love this one
    • Quack Scientist Reports World is Accelerating

      15:20 hours, New York time.

      According to an alarmist scientist, the planet has begun spinning at an uncontrollable level. The following is an excerpt of an interview with our producers that will be posted in full, later.

      Scientist:
      "For some reason, the laws of physics have been suspended and the earth has started to rotate at four times it's normal speed."

      WH Interviewer:
      "Why has no one noticed this and why aren't we all flying off the surface into outer space?"

      Scientist:
      "Well, you see, not only is the earth spinning faster, but even time itself has quadrupled. In essence, the effect of gravity has been magnified four times to compensate. So, in reality, though we are moving at four times what is considered normal, we don't actually feel it. From our perspective, nothing's changed."

      WH Interviewer:
      "OK, so if we can't perceive this change, then how do you know it's happening?"

      Scientist:
      "Well, it's actually based on my observations of the photonic discharge of the light. Normally light travels from the sun to earth at about 299,792,458 m/s."

      WH Interviewer:
      "Wow, that's fast."

      Scientist:
      "Yes, it is, except the light we've been testing is traveling much faster. In fact, at 1,199,169,832 m/s, the effect of the light has begun to warp our reality. So not only are we traveling at four times the normal speed of our universe, but the three dimensional universe has been flattened."

      WH Interviewer:
      "What do you mean?"

      Scientist:
      "Well, literally, our universe has been compressed into a flat image, similar to what you would see on a computer screen."

      WH Interviewer:
      "What is a computer?"

      Clearly, this scientist is a quack, what with nonsense about accelerated time and light speed and this "computer" thing. When asked about the validity of this scientist's theory, a researcher at the UCLA physics department replied, "It's utter nonsense. He can't track the speed of light at what he claims. Why, if light were traveling faster, then time would actually move backwards and we'd all be getting younger."

      That response left our editorial staff even more confused. But, for the time being, we'll just leave it at that. If indeed we are moving backwards, then let us leave this with parting words...or rather, opening words.
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3
    • Romanian Cancer Spreads Like A Virus: European Plague Spreads To Africa And Asia — "Winter of Discontent" Coalition Responds With Ice Cold Stare

      Romania and their Turkish lackays, in a vain attempt to find a weak spot in the Asian front, have swung north to face the Frosty Siberian Forces of Asia's Ice Age monsters. In response, the Diabolical Lord of the North has sent his unyielding Arctic Ice Corps to intercept this threat against the frozen tundra.

      Those Ice Giant hordes will repulse the outmatched European barbarians. But, Romanian insurgents have landed in northern Africa .... far from the icy grip of Winter's frozen cold heart. The African Alliance will have to step up and meet this threat to their sovereignty before the European menace bleeds into every pore of every continent in a vain attempt to cover the globe.

      —————————————————————————————————————

      Only the Winter of Discontent's prophecy of a new Ice Age will succeed in covering the globe, when the world suffers under the frozen grips of my cold death spell. Even the Winter Warlock could not survive my magic. And Romania's Slavic Troops — frozen in place by my icy glare and fragile as ice statues — will be crushed by the swing of my mighty fist. That Romanian virus will be destroyed by my freezer burn. His Turkish lackey — trapped beneath the ice, as it were — will drown under the countless frozen hordes of my Frost Giants.

      When the dust finally settles like the last flakes of a snow storm, the perfectly-preserved, frozen corpses of the European menace shall lay on the ash heap of history....a frosty fodder added by my wintery whims. There shall be an icy chill deep in the hearts of every Romanian and Turk, this night, as the realization of my glacial power overwhelms them with the frozen fear of my polar power.

      Their icy end is swiftly coming.
      It seemed like such a waste to destroy an entire battle station just to eliminate one man. But Charlie knew that it was the only way to ensure the absolute and total destruction of Quasi-duck, once and for all.

      The saying, "beating them into submission until payday", is just golden...pun intended.

      R.I.P. Snickers <3
    • One of my posts from my first ever game:


      Turkish Army Takes Bath

      25 units of the Turkish army in a vulnerable convoy were surprised by a
      Romanian submarine and cruiser last night, and sunk in a catastrophic
      massacre in the Aegean Sea.


      As the death toll climbed past thirty thousand, Impirator AbCat was left
      wondering on the shocking loss of life, and is very glad that this is a
      game and not reality.
    • Followed three days later by this lovely article:


      Surprise invasion of Caucasus



      Just after midnight, an array of tanks disguised as shrubberies leapt
      into action in an amphibious raid across the Black Sea to strike at the heart of the Caucasus industrial heartland. Much to Potentate AbCat's dismay, Jenna and her Caucasus troops were not in the least bit surprised by this ruse, and wiped out half of the Romanians' cunning assault before it even reached the high tide line.

      The attack continues on many fronts however, and the situation has been complicated by Communist Russia entering the fray in the North. Such is war, in real life and in the game, that a bad starting position dooms an otherwise well-led nation.